The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Just contemplating the usual; how my very existence is a regret and that I'm literal scum. What are emotions? I'll be damned if I knew.

Also thinking about how appealing death is right now, since nothing hurts when you're dead.

Only 18, but my head's gone through more shit that anybody will ever know.



I'm fine with the idea of dying to be honest, it's no different to sleeping really.



Except you don't wake up and damn, I need that right now.

Just wanna write this to thank EVERYBODY who wished me a Happy Birthday!!



I really appreciate the love you've all given me on this special day, especially since it's my 18th haha, finally a legal little lady!



Anywaaay-

Thanks again, my lovely friends and family!

Yeah, I get that people who care about me (I think they do?) wish I would rest more because I need it...

But there's one itty bitty tiny problem...



I.

Can't.



Oh trust me, I do try.



I don't willingly stay up 30+ hours, I'm too melancholic for that shit.

I do spend hours just laying in bed with my eyes shut just hoping for my body and mind to shut down, only to open them with ease as my damn college alarm goes off.



Yeah, I do enjoy staying up at night because it is QUIET and PEACEFUL, but when it gets to the point where I'm passing out during lectures and beating myself up over my inability to doing simple things, you're damn right it's no fun anymore.



Tch, sometimes I think a bullet would work better than a cup of tea.

The constant fluctuation with the Status Levels is so boring now. Wasn't like this 4 years ago, ugh.

Regarding the last Journal Entry based upon Vel, from November 20th I shall no longer be 'Single' or of 'Pet/Baby Girl/Slave' status as a few people have desired as such.



In other words, everybody with amorous intentions will have to take it down a few notches because I'll belong to Vel-



AND VEL ONLY.



True, I am flirtatious in return but it is harmless in nature.



I had known Vel for many years, long before my first VR experience 4 years ago, she has kept me hopeful that I will have a future, that I am loved and has never left me in times of need, or betrayed my trust, unlike my old online friends and internet family that use to exist here.

Oh well.

She is my main reason to live, aside from my immediate irl family.

So if that doesn't describe how dear Vel is to me regarding loyalty, then whatever.

You simply lack understanding.



Anyway, ciao.

5 more days until my 18th, not sure whether I feel excited to finally have alcohol to myself or feel panicked that I'll finally be considered an adult-



Either way, me and Vel will finally have some important things to talk about, hopefully regarding any plans of me living with her over in the states and arranging visits for her over here in england!



Blessed be, Crescent Rose eternal.

I apologise to my friends and precious Coven for my sporadic activity and presence, as matters have been rather.. negative at Home-

And thus I am focusing on handling these matters and stabilising my sense of calm positivity, as I tend to revert into a morbid pessimistic cynical state of mind if things are neglected for progression.



My consistency shall return soon!!

I promise!

Blessed be. )O(

Most people who have met me in-person agree that I am simply just:

"A Morbid Little Ray Of Sunshine."



And a proud 'Oxymoron', too.

[ She stifles a soft giggle into the back of her hand ]

To be honest, I'd very much love to have more female friends on this site than males.

While many of my male friends are absolutely wonderful, it feels rather one-sided.